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all the things i'll never say.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

the dizziness of freedom.

As I sit in the lobby of Farmingdale/MVCC 2.0, I can't help but wonder if I made the right decisions in life. I'm proud of the fact that I moved out at 18 and have continued to stand on my own two feet with basically no help from my family. I like the fact that I get called an activist, however I can't seem to figure out how to motivate myself as of late. I like the fact that I have complete freedom and can do whatever the fuck I want whenever the fuck I want. I just wish I knew what the fuck I was doing. I'm 22 years old in a city with a dying pulse. I have yet to get my associates from a college that might as well hand out color by numbers as final exams. The truth is I could have graduated in 2 years. I was too busy living my life to prepare for my life. I'm confident in my ability to survive. I don't think I'm a failure. I don't think I was supposed to follow the status quot. I think I was destined to go out and create my future. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I need to leave my beloved 315 wasteland. Is leaving this city a forfeiting the game?